I'm Working On It

I am so tired.
I am still waking up with Micah every 4 hours to medicate him after his surgery.
I wake up several other times throughout the night while miss Ella cuts her canine teeth and Micah cries out in pain.

I have a cold and can't breath at night.

I have a 5 year old who thinks I boring, and only wants his friends.

You know how this feels.

Exhaustion.

What are you like when your tired? Do you take it out on somebody?
Generally, my sweet husband gets the brunt of my frustration; and then it trickles down to my children.

I'm working on it.

This has become my life motto. I should probably paint it on my walls.

I feel terrible after lashing out at these people I love the most in my life.

Lets take a look at Josiah, shall we?

Like I mentioned earlier, he is so bored with me.
He loves to learn from me, he loves to play with me, and he loves to laugh with me. But he often forgets he's not the only child in our home. No, I still have two other rascals running around trying to steal my attention.
I am still so glad about our decision to keep him home with me one extra year before sending him to Kindergarten. I think he's happy too.
But he has been feeling like he is playing 2nd or 3rd right now to his siblings.
I confess, he kind of is.
Micah is still recovering from his surgery and still needs a lot of extra attention, and popsicles.
Josiah is only 5 and doesn't grasp the concept of "special treatment". He is hurt that I will give Micah 8 popsicles a day, while he may only get 1 or 2.
He doesn't understand why I will make him help clean the playroom with me, while Micah watches his 100th cartoon.
He doesn't understand why I can't "make a craft" (he's really into crafts these days) because Micah is hurting and needs some cuddle time.
So, he lashes out at me.
He throws fits, and argues, and stomps, and screams, and yells.
My poor, sweet boy. He needs his Mommy just as much as Micah does, and I've been neglecting him.

This face of sweetness and innocence is getting the brunt of my frustration.

I have been unbelievably patient with Micah during his outbursts. I haven't yelled at him or even shown him any sort of consequence for his behavior.

Josiah gets it all.

I know that this makes me look terrible. And that is exactly how I feel.
Terrible. 
Today I confess; I'm working on it.

Today I will craft with him until he's sick of paint and popsicle sticks.
Today I will cuddle with him during quiet time.
I will read him stories until he asks to stop.
I will wrestle with him until my ribs hurt he is tired.
And I will answer all of his 5,000 questions.
I will even play in the snow with him today (yep….snow).

This is just so hard to do with 3 kids under the same roof. Generally it's so easy to please both of the boys at the same time, and Ella is content watching.
But because Micah has been feeling puny, I can only please one of them, and he's crying the loudest.

Which reminds me of this saying.

My poor kids.
This is my life their life.

Let's just say…..

I'm working on it.