Friday, February 17, 2012

worry.

I feel like I've been living in a cloud of worry lately.
Ella had some blood work done and her tests results came back with some elevated liver enzymes. This could mean nothing. Or it could have something to do with her lack of weight gain.
The Dr. doesn't seem to be terribly worried, which is a good sign. But this has been enough to send me spiraling into worry.

I am not a worrier by nature. One of my friend's calls herself a "catastrophic thinker". You know…the kind of person who thinks that the world is coming to an end when you find a mole. But this has done it for me. Liver enzymes and lack of weight gain. She's only gained a couple of ounces in the past two months. My eight month old baby weighs as much as the average 3 month old.

Worry.

What makes this harder is that I can't get her into the specialists at the Children's Hospital for 2 weeks (nutritionist) or 3 weeks (GI specialist). So for now, I'm stuck with this sense of worry and panic. So I look up websites like this that talk about how deadly it can be for elevated liver enzymes. That doesn't help. At. All.

What I need to be doing is giving my worry to God. I KNOW that He is in control. And I KNOW that Ella is His child, not mine. And I KNOW that His plans are perfect.



These things I know, but I listen to the evil thoughts put in my head from the Devil. I look at Ella, and I am full of fear for her. Worry is consuming.

I desire to be consumed with Christ, but I keep getting in the way! I pray for peaceful thoughts. When I can choose to direct my thoughts on Christ, my worry diminishes. I feel hope in Him.

There are always going to be moments in our lives when we can worry. And I know that I will always be worried about things. James and I love this verse ~ Isaiah 41:10 ~.

I can't tell you how many times I've prayed this verse. It's an anthem in my head. It has been so helpful, in those really dark moments. I will find my encouragement in God, and continue to seek his peace.

8 comments:

The Norvells said...

Oh Beth, I'm so sorry you're going through such fear right now. I'll be praying for you and Ella.

Catie said...

I understand fear. I was experiencing so much fear after my son was born. I had trouble going to sleep because I was afraid something would happen to him. I began to pray that I would trust God. Over the last few months, my fear had really subsided. I also have been reading the book Jesus Calling each day. It really lifts my spirit and puts my focus where it needs to be. I pray that you will have peace, it is hard I know!

re-smile said...

I'm so sorry you're struggling with this...you are all in my prayers! I love your verses...some of my favorites! You are right on - she is His, not yours. She is perfect, and He will take care of her! XOXO!

Erin said...

It is so hard not to worry for the children God has put in our care. It is so encouragin that you know His truth though. Another verse I love is...casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, 2 Cor 5. It reminds me to replace the lies with truth as soon as they enter my mind.

rreynol3 said...

Love the Corrie Ten Boom quote. I'm praying for my Ella daily. I love you guys!

Mindy M. Harris said...

i am a worry wart too. praying for ella. found you throw the grow your blog blog hop and now follow u.
hugs from a kansas blogger!

Torie said...

That's not a fun situation at all. You're doing an amazingly strong thing in turning to God though. Sometimes it's the only thing that can bring peace. It helps, though, I'm sure, that the doctor doesn't seem to worried! Just found your blog, but thought I'd let you know you're in my thoughts and prayers. <3

Kelly @ Live.Laugh.Rowe said...

Thank you so very much for participating in the blog hop! Wishing you the very best in your bloggy endeavors! New follower. Cheers!

Kelly
www.livelaughrowe.com