Sacrifice in Motherhood

The other day I received an email from a woman I respect in our church. She invited me to join a small group of women for an intense and exclusive Bible study that only occurs every 2 years. Needless to say, I was so honored, humbled, and excited. The other morning there was a meeting at the church to discuss what the study would further look like. I wrangled the two youngest kids and walked into the church. Of course, I'm the only one who brought kids with them. Of course, Caleb is running around, talking, whining, coughing, and smelling like poop. I'm trying to gleam all I can amidst the chaos of the two babies. It sounds amazing. The study, the women, the work that God has done through this study all sounds fabulous, and exactly what I need. After the description was stated, the logistics made it very clear I would not be able to join this year; or even in years to come. They provide no childcare and they meet on a weekday morning. I could probably jerry rig childcare, but it would take a steady commitment from the sitter. I left the meeting so upset that I had to sacrifice this study in order to be a mom of young kids.

As of late, my heart has been heavy with feelings of selfishness. I am finding myself thinking of all that I have "sacrificed" to stay at home with my kids. I have not had the career I dreamed I would, I do not contribute financially as I had thought I might. I do have Mila Jo Designs, which I use as a creative outlet, but it is nothing what I had pictured in the form of a career.

I think the title of my blog perfectly sums it up, "Life Unexpected". Life has not been what I had expected. I dreamed of many things, including children, but never expected to be a day after my 23rd birthday; and then have 3 more within 6 years. I expected to be a wife and a mother, but I also thought I might be "more". 

There are many things I don't get to enjoy now, or ever will. The future will just be filled with even more sacrifice as we have made the decision to homeschool our kids next year.

As I sat in my car wallowing, I realized the decision to homeschool would be filled with a lifetime of even more sacrifice from me. I will literally be getting another job, on top of the one I already possessed as a stay at home mom. I will be their educator as well. I can't tell you how excited I am, and honored to be able to do so! But it was that moment for me where I felt an overwhelming sense of loss of "me" and a completely new sense of who "I" am. I know my gifts, talents, likes and dislikes. I am fully aware of the woman God created me to be and I am fully aware that he has created me to be their mother, to the fullest.

I have the blessing to sweep up dirty floors, and tables. I get to be their tooth fairy, Santa Clause, kisser of the owies, and baker of cookies  I get to listen to them laugh, and argue. I have the honor to teach them to see the world through God's design. They call me mommy, and that is worth every ounce of "sacrifice". There was no "thing" I was created to do than to be their nurturing, loving, educating mommy. At the end of the day, I can tuck them into bed and know that they will notice I am there, always, for them; for that was who I am when I am at my fullest.

Dear Josiah

Dear Josiah,

You started first grade this year. You didn't see me, but I cried when I walked home. I truly miss having you home with me. You are so helpful. You always ask what you can do to help me. I rarely have to remind you to clear your dishes, or make your bed. You will take care of Caleb when I'm making dinner, or doing the dishes. You rush to help when one of your siblings needs help. You are so thoughtful and are always putting others above yourself. You are full of compassion and empathy. The other day, after a long day at school you came home and I was finishing cleaning the playroom (which was a disaster). You offered to help me, insisted you wanted to. I told you not to help me after a long day at school, that you should rest; you persisted. While we were cleaning together I thanked you for your help and told you how grateful I was. You asked me what I did that day and I told you I had been working on the house. You asked me if I did anything for myself (of course you did) and I told him nothing too fun. You burst into tears. You were filled with so much empathy for me. I hugged you and told you that I loved being able to stay at home and work to take care of my family. That working around the house didn't make me sad, it made me feel so lucky. To be a mom is the best job ever.

You are my son. I get to call you mine. You are perfectly, unique and you are my flesh and blood.

You are so tuned into how others feel and what they are thinking. You are full of compassion, empathy, and sensitivity. You feel for others, you want to heal, and fix; and I believe you will. You want to be a pastor. You want the entire world to know about Jesus. You are learning what your 7 year old brain can handle about our Creator. You sit on the couch and talk to daddy about apologetics (it's so crazy, but it's true!). You ask questions like "If God is so powerful why can't he make a rock so big even he can't carry?" and "How can Jesus be God's son if they are one in the same?". Seriously, boy!? You love Jesus, and you told daddy "I need to learn as much about God as I can if I want to be a pastor." I can't believe that I get to be your mom. I feel like with your deep desire to learn more about God, there is a chance that I will let you down. What if I don't know how to lead you in your faith? I could drop the ball…..but praise God for your daddy! He is so knowledgeable and has the same desire as you to learn more about our faith. You two…peas in a pod!

There are things that I worry about for you. I worry about you being in first grade. You are beginning to read, make new friends, and experience new things. You are hearing things that are opposite of God's nature, and they scare you. Kids are telling you scary stories, and they affect your heart and your soul. You are so in tune with the spiritual realm that when things that are evil are exposed to you, you feel it in your heart. I cover you in prayer. I pray that you will speak up for yourself, and begin to share the truth with your classmates. Many of them have never heard about God, and you are the light. You are so smart about our God, but need the courage to speak up. You will get there, with the knowledge that you are building with us at home you will grow in confidence. Son, you will change this world. You are fire of the Lord. At 7 years old you are living up to your life verse:

But you, man of God, flee from all this and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance, and gentleness. 1 Timothy 6:11

I am so proud of you. Words cannot possibly express how proud of you I am. I get to say I am your mom. There will never be a day in my life when I am not filled with great joy, pride, and love when I think of you. If I only get to be with you full time for 11 more years, I promise to do my best to savor each moment with you. Boy, you're amazing!

Love,

Mommy

Stolen Credit Cards

I noticed my credit card was missing a couple of days ago. This isn't anything new for me (wow, that's unfortunate to say!) I have this bad habit of putting it in my back pocket after I use it. It happens a lot if the kids are with me. I'm holding a baby, wrangling groceries, and 3 other kids…so yeah…a piece of plastic is easy to forget about.

The cashier set it in front of me and I didn't grab it. Oops…right? Haven't you done this before? Just made a mistake…just accidentally forgot to grab it? Normally, the person behind you would notice and catch you as you are loading your babies into the shopping cart. Well, not the lady behind me. She thought it might be more profitable to put it into her wallet and use it to spend nearly $900 within 3 little hours.

I didn't even notice it was missing until I went to check out. I went to hand the cashier my card and it wasn't there. I just assumed it was in one of my pockets of my dirty jeans. I didn't even think twice about it as all 4 kids were standing in the checkout line with me. It was the last thing on my mind.

Later I remembered that I couldn't find it, so I told James about it and we got to lookin'. No luck. We couldn't' find it anywhere. We checked every pocket, purse, diaper bag and grocery bag. The next morning we woke up to find all of the new charges.

I was so upset, James was more upset. I told him I would take care of it and he was off to work. I called the bank (they are so awesome!) they reversed the charges right away and told me to call the police and file a report. I did so and the sweetest police woman came to file my complaint. With a little digging she had found the woman within a couple of hours. She called to inform me that they found her on the surveillance video stealing my card and they were going to arrest her.

I was suddenly so sad. I was so sad that she was going to have to be punished for this. I was sad that she was going to have to pay thousands of dollars for her unfortunate mistake, and be humiliated by a public arrest. When I told that to the police officer she said "You are nicer than me, I'b be so excited for her to be arrested."

I just kept thinking "what if she has a family with small children?". The idea that she made a split second decision that is now going to cost her so much more than just money was really heartbreaking to me. We have all made mistakes, and we have all felt the sting of punishment.

I realized I had already forgiven her before she had even realized she had been caught. I was never angry, or upset. I was annoyed at the process it was taking me to reverse the charges and deal with the police report, but I was never mad.

Jesus has called us to love and forgive people.

ESV Romans 12:14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.
Luke 6:27 But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,
Romans 12:19-21 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Mark 12:31 The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”
Matthew 5:38-48 “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you.

When I expressing my sorrow to James he said "That is really sad, and the worst part about it all is that if she would have explained her situation to you, you probably would have given her $700". He is probably right. We are compassionate to those who are needy. It just breaks my heart.

I am not saying I am naive enough to believe that this particular woman used my credit card to charge $400 on baby formal and diapers. I have no idea what her situation is, but if she was truly (which we know she probably was not in a dire situation) in need we could have helped.

This world that we live in is so sad. Watching the world news is the most depressing thing I can do. Hearing about how selfish, greedy, and hate filled our world is is exhausting. Don't you think we could all be filled with a little more of Christ's love and a little bit less of Satan's anger? I know it's something we can all work on.

Just remember the wise message of Frozen: Fear and Anger Freezes while Love Thaws.

Wise words from Disney :)

Bonding with my Adopted Son

When we began our adoption journey I remember sitting in class listening to a talk about connecting with your baby. The case workers warned us that we might have a hard time connecting with our new child, as we didn't grow them in our bellies.
I thought this was so silly. I knew what it felt like to connect with a newborn. It's the most precious thing and I knew the bond was instantaneous. To hold your child for the first time feels like nothing else.
When we looked at Caleb for the first time, we bonded instantly, just as I thought we would. I viewed him the exact same way as I viewed my other babies.

But as time went on, things were definitely different with him.
I was not nursing him.

It seems like such a little thing, but my soul yearned to have this connection with him. With my other babies the moment they touched my skin they went crazy with adorable, bird-like rooting. Caleb never did that. It made me so sad for him. I felt sad that he didn't have the opportunity to bond with me through nursing. I would look into his eyes as he was bottle feeding and felt sad for him. I thought he deserved to be nursed by the woman who gave him life.

I understand that this thought is not logical, it is emotional. I knew that we were bonding and I knew he loved me as his mommy. But I just didn't know if he knew I was his mother. I loved him so much, just as much as my other children, I just had a sadness for him. I was not sad to be his mother, I was elated.

One of the most common things people would say to us is how lucky Caleb was to have us as his family. This never sat quite right to me, I knew we were the ones who were blessed to have him in our lives. Here is the thing I have learned about adoption through Caleb: it is second best.

I truly believe that when God designed family he created it to be two parents creating a life and raising that child together, as a family. When sin entered the world that changed everything. With that, adoption was formed. While adoption may not be what God originally designed, he then designed it to be beautiful. It is amazing that we are allowed to be part of this perfect baby's life. We feel overwhelmed with joy to be his parents. I know that his life will be so much fuller now that he is our son. But I can't help but feel sad for the fact that his birthparents didn't have the capacity to raise him. They are so sweet, loving, caring, and compassionate. They are just broken and unable to raise him the way he deserves. As a result of their love for him we get to enjoy the life they created.

The feelings of sadness dissipated immediately one afternoon. Often I will take the kids to play at James' school. They love to run around with the other kids in his PE classes. I was sitting on the gym floor with him in my lap. He was gazing into my eyes and smiled. At that moment my heart felt so full I started to tear up. I knew in that moment what he had been feeling the entire time; I was his mommy. He loved me as his mother and he was my son. That smile was all that I needed to know and understand the beauty of adoption. That he was made to be my child. He was made to be in our family and part of our legacy.

I am not sad for him anymore. I know he loves being here with us. I know his birthparents are grateful for our family. I know that forever our lives are better because of adoption. I cannot even begin to imagine what our family would be like had we have chosen to ignore the calling to adopt. We are so blessed. So, so blessed.

Plus….oh my gosh….he's so stinking adorable!

Our Journey To Adoption {Why We Chose Adoption}

"So is this your first child?"
"No, he will be our fourth." 
"Oh. Wow." {Insert a look of shock here}

This is the conversation we had over and over again when going through our adoption of Caleb. {You can read more of his story here and here}. I can't blame people for the looks they gave us. We are so young, and so "full" already. Yes, we are crazy. We know it, we're not blind to the fact that four kids is A LOT of kids.
Yes, we can have more children. But we didn't want to have more children.
We wanted to adopt. We were called to adopt.

I have always wanted to adopt. During high school I can even remember thinking that one day I would love to have children through adoption. When I fell in love with James and we began talking about family, adoption was always in the discussion. We have always known one day we would.
Ideally we wanted to have Josiah then adopt. God had very different plans for our family. We got pregnant with Micah when Josiah was only 7 months old. Financially the funds were just not available until now.
I just love that God is supreme. His timing is perfect. Caleb is perfect for us. 5 years ago there would be no Caleb.

There was never a time when James and I felt God pulling on our hearts at the same time. We discussed getting the basement finished first, getting a mini van, waiting until the kids were older. It was not until last November God spoke to both of us at the same moment. "Now."
We were terrified to begin. We knew how people would view us.
Crazy. Financially irresponsible.

They are right. We are crazy, and financially "irresponsible" (by the way.it was never our money to begin with)… God has called us to follow him at all costs. He promised us that if follow his will, he will bless us. He has promised to make the adoption happen. We chose to obey this calling on our lives.
He has come through in bigger ways than I can even express.
Yes, he provided every cent of cost of adoption for us.
The most amazing thing he has provided through this is Caleb.

His parents were broken, needy and hurt. They were not following Christ and yet, through God's redemption Caleb was born perfect.
We look at his sweet, perfect face and see God's grace. His love for us is overwhelming.

If we would have chosen to say "no" when God put this calling in our hearts we would not have reaped all of the blessings that Caleb will bring to our lives. We would have missed out on God's divine plan. I believe that God would have taken care of Caleb, but I also think he would have let another family reap the blessings that were intended for our family.

I know this incredibly wise, and godly woman who gave me this advice one time.
God was asking her to do something she didn't want to do. She asked God "What if I say 'no'." She said God answered with, "I will find somebody who will say yes."
I can't tell you how much this struck me. It stuck to my soul. If we say no, God will make it happen without us. Did I want to be the woman who says "no" to him. No, I sure don't. I want to experience God's plan, purpose, and grace.
I have never understood redemption more than I do at this moment.

If you ever get a chance to read Francis Chan's Crazy Love I highly suggest you read it.
God loves crazy. If we are following God's calling for our lives, people will look at us likes we're nuts. It's then we know we're not of this world. We are in it, but doing our part to change his kingdom forever.
So yes. We're crazy, irresponsible, impulsive, and busy. I've become scatter brained, excessively tired, and unshowered. My house is messy, my kids aren't bathed, and they are currently living off of chicken nuggets and raisins.
We wouldn't have it any other way.
Now we have Caleb. They have a new brother. Forever.
Adoption is worth all costs.

Growing Pains

Josiah is six. I am the mother of a six year old boy and that makes me feel super old.
He is learning to read, to spell, and play sports.

While he is at school, and away from me {for the first time in his life} I am learning too. He's teaching me that his father and I are no longer his only instructors. We are no longer the only people he is learning about life from. He is learning from his teacher, and more so, from his classmates.
Josiah has never been around other kids who didn't know about Jesus. He has never had friends who have talked about things we don't like. Zombies, ghosts, vampires, skeletons, and creepy things are the hot topic right now.
{For the record we love to trick or treat but we despise all other aspects of Halloween, read more about that here}
The other night at the dinner table Josiah uttered the phrase "Oh my god" {and nearly gave us a heart attack}. James and I looked at each other the same way…eyes wide open, not sure what to say to him. I know it is a very mild phrase…but it's not spoken in our home. James and I struggle with many things, but our language isn't one of those. I quickly told Josiah that he was not in trouble, but that he's not allowed to say that. It's taking the Lord's name in vain, and it's not allowed to come out of our mouths.

We understand that this was not major. That they are not putting his eternal soul in danger but, we don't love some of the things his ears are hearing, and his mind is processing.
My first reaction is to pull him out of school, keep him home with me in our little, happy, Christian bubble. But wouldn't the devil just love that? Does he not relish in the fact that I am scared that Josiah will not make the best decisions; that his tiny mind will be overwhelmed with the ways of the world?

Just at dinner last night we asked Josiah to stop drawing pictures of "spooky things". This hurt his tiny, innocent heart. He doesn't know what makes these things wrong. He is surrounded by kids who love spooky, scary Halloween. It's not his fault. He doesn't know these things are not from God.
We are having to explain the difference between the light and the darkness. We have to tell him that we, as followers of Jesus, are the light of the world. The Devil is dark and he loves us to be scared, and fearful, and hopeless. But Christ has come to overcome the world. We have come to bring light into the world, and therefore, we cannot love the darkness.
Isn't this awful though? I hate having to "shed light" (pun definitely intended) on the evil that is in the world to my child. He knows there is good and evil, but trying to spell it out for a child isn't fair to him. It's not fair that this world is so corrupt and bankrupt of virtue.
Call me old fashion, but I just want him to grow up with a pure heart and mind.
But, while the devil unfolds his wickedness around our children we will be vigilant in our fight against his evil ways. We will arm our children with the tools they need to be a light in the darkness. We will not shelter them, and hide them away from the world. We will thrust them into it…fully armed with the armor of God.

Ephesians 6: 10-18
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

And lots of prayers from his parents (who will be shaking likes leaves).

I saw this and thought that my boy would love this.

Some People Don't Like Peaches

Have you ever had somebody in your life not like you?

You tried everything to please them, you put everything you had into them; just to come to terms with the fact they don't like you. They probably never will.

This is one of the hardest lessons in life. Not everybody is going to like you.
Now that we've sent Josiah off to school he is going to have to make friends on his own.

He is the one who is going to have to try. It's not playdates anymore. I don't pick his friends for him. He will, at some point, get hurt. Someone will not invite him to their birthday party, or their table at lunch. They might make fun of him; call him names.

As a mother this sends me into a panic. I know what he feels like. There are people in my life who don't like me. I have never really been too bothered by this; but now it hurts. Badly. When you put so much into somebody, just to have them not like who you are.

Oddly enough, a quote from Dita Von Teese  keeps coming up.

How truthful is that? You could be the kindest, most honest, grace filled, beautiful, genuine, compassionate, generous woman on the face of the earth and somebody will not like you. Perhaps you will say something to offend them. Or perhaps you'll be late one day. Or they don't like your laugh, or the way your spend money. How you discipline your children, or the movies you like.

Some people won't love you. They will not want to return your calls. They will not want to get to know you better.

This feels as though a fiery dagger is plunged into my soul. It is a hurt like no other. It is completely personal, and it is hard to see it within the big picture.

I know that God is the ruler of my life; there is to be no other than him. He is to be my number one priority. What I have learned is that if I truly put Christ at the top of my priority list, the pain begins to lessen. A little bit more each day. He is all I need.

And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. Matt 22:37-38

 He commands us to be focused on walking with him. God alone.

He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God? Micah 6:8

Why is it so hard to stay the path? Why is it so easy to become consumed by sadness and guilt. These are the terrorists of my life. Emotions. I hate to be completely engulfed and oppressed with my thoughts. "Woe is me". What a sad state to be stuck in.

How blessed is the one whom You choose and bring near to You To dwell in Your courts. We will be satisfied with the goodness of Your house, Your holy temple. Psalms 65:4

Jesus.

Just Jesus.

He is my comforter, my provider, and my friend. He loves me. He wants to be close with me.

He is all I need.

If I can come to a place in my life where He is truly my number one priority, it might be possible to teach my children about it. When they come home broken, I can hold them and tell them that I understand their pain. I can tell them of a greater love; a love that only Christ can give.

This is not easy to remember. He created me the way that I am….but that doesn't mean he wants me to stay the way that I am. I am constantly reminded of how far away from Heaven this world is.

Praise Jesus; he will return. Until then, I can get to know him better. For it is only Christ that matters.

What My Old Car Taught Me (and a car cleaning tip)

It's a 15 year old Toyota Corolla.
I've driven her since I was 17.
She has been with me though high school, college, marriage, and new babies.
And…it's weird I'm calling a car "she".

The wear and tear on that car is super noticeable. I've run into walls, driven through snow storms, lost hubcaps and side view mirrors. She has countless scratches, dings, and dents. A broken windshield and a broken rearview mirror. Yeah…I have been rough on that little car.

She's not pretty, fancy, or "cool" by any means.
But….she's loyal. I've never had a problem with that car. Not one. It is still getting around 38 miles to the gallon. She's running great.

And I catch myself hating this car. Every time I crawled into it, I wanted a new one. It's not even the car I drive. James takes it to work and I'll use it for errands. But I have had such a bad attitude about it.

It was disgusting inside. In college a can of OJ concentrate exploded (don't judge me!) inside and I could never clean it out fully. It's just grimy and gross. I had enough…it was time to clean it out! God was telling me to get over it and be grateful for what I had.

So I got a bottle of Turtle Wax Oxy Interior Cleaner and starting scrubbing, and scrubbing, and scrubbing.

AMAZING. Seriously, why didn't I do this years ago?!?!

I told you not to judge me. The car was nasty. Just wretched. But with about an hour of my time, some elbow grease, and a great cleaner it's like a new car.

Lets be honest, it's still not the prettiest car.
I mean I'm still missing a hubcap folks.

But the fact of the matter is I was not content with what God has given our family. He takes care of us. He provides everything and MORE than what we need. He's good to us. He's so good, and all I can do is sit in that car and complain.

I like to think of myself as a content person, but the truth is I'm a coveter. I covet all sorts of things that aren't mine. Things that God didn't intend for me. God has called us to be content with what he has given us. He knows what we need and what we don't need.

When I choose contentment, life is so much better. To choose to be happy with what you have can even make the ugliest car seem perfect. After all, she's perfect for us.

Iron Sharpens Iron

I have had an emotional 4 weeks.
I'm not used to this.

I'm not really an emotional woman, really. I hate to cry in public and I feel like I've been crying all over the place.

I've learned of a lot of tragedy, a lot of drama, and a lot of failed marriages.

God has also been putting me through the ringer. He's been pushing, prodding, and nudging me to guard my big fat mouth words.

I have a tendency to say things for humorous reasons that turn out to be hurtful. I don't think about how others will perceive my "humor". When it comes to relating to women I can really be hurtful. Most recently one of my best girlfriends came to me hurt. I had hurt her, multiple times. I was poking fun at a sensitive area in her life, and didn't even realize it until she told me.

This moment really defined our friendship. I was so upset, crying (again) as she told me how I had hurt her. But God was using her to reveal a part of my life that God wanted to work on. To be honest, this wasn't the first time I felt God telling me to shut my mouth. It had been a theme lately. James was bringing it to my attention, church, MOPS…you name it…I was hearing God loud and clear. I was just ignoring him.

Proverbs 21:23
Watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of trouble.

When she came to me and told me this I knew God was using her to sharpen my character. It was not fun. It was not pretty. But when iron is being sharpened there's always a few sparks.

Proverbs 27:17
As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.

I am so glad that I have friends and family in my life who come to me in love, to call me out on my junk. I am grateful that she didn't just allow our friendship to end.  I can tell you that it was a huge moment for me as well. I learned that I can't just say whatever I want in order to get a laugh. I need to be more considerate. Lets be honest, I need to grow up. I'm not Tina Fey, and I am definitely not a comedian. Just a flawed woman, who God is changing for the better. I am so glad I have grace. What would I do without it?!? Thank God for godly friendships, they can get me through even the most difficult situations!

With that said….
Happy Monday!

Follow me @ BlogLovin

DIY Repurposed Pallet Sign

You guys….I finally got around to making my own pallet sign!

Ok…so this was a work of love, for sure.
It's messy and "splintery" (it's my blog…I can say whatever words I want).
But it was worth all of the blood, sweat, and tears.

But here's how I did it.

First, find a free pallet. Yes, make sure it's free. It makes it all the better.
I just checked on craigslist for a free pallet and found one right away. Woo hoo!

Next, break that bad boy apart.
This sucks! I broke so many of the boards because the nails were rusted and completely indented into the wood. There was no way to get it out without splintering the wood.
Geesh!

So after working up a good sweat doing that….use connectors to put them back together.
I found these at Home Depot in the roofing section.
And because I had split so many boards I had to put the individual boards back together while connecting them all together.
Find shallow screws so that you will not screw though the front of the boards.
Put them together as closely as possible so that there will not be any huge gaps between boards. But be careful not to joint the two boards together where there will be a natural gap, you don't want the connectors showing through. (Sorry if that makes no sense…it makes sense in my head).

After it's all connected together flip it over and paint it.
I really wanted mine to look rustic but uniform, so I chose a white paint and I watered it down. Just to give it a white-washed look.
Color test before you do so, you don't want to have to sand and fix the sign.

Find a good helper.

Next, I really had a specific idea in mind of how I wanted the words to look. I knew I couldn't' just free hand it and make it look good…so….let the work begin!

I used my Silhouette and contact paper to cut out the letters I wanted. I chose to use contact paper instead of vinyl because it comes off of the wood much easier than the vinyl and it's so much cheaper.

I just cut out the correct size to fit on my mat. Found the right fonts, and let the machine do it's thing.

I then put the letters where I wanted them and traced each letter with a pencil. I am sure there is a better solution for this…but this is how I roll….

I even let Jo get in on the action.
He's got such an eye for detail and he was so exited to help me.
Plus…he's cute, and I like cute boys.

 Once it's all traced out, get to painting. I just used white acrylic paint. It's cheap and I had it on hand.

Then hang it. I literally had to drill it into the wall, but I'm ok with that.
Use four hands to get this thing hung. I did it by myself and nearly died in the process. I also measured wrong the first time (surprise, surprise). That's why you can see the "oops" in the photo above. I did use hallow wall anchors to make sure that thing was in nice and sturdy. It's hanging in the playroom and I didn't want it toppling down on anybody!
I don't plan on moving it. Ever. I love it. Love it. Love it.

These kids are hams!

Don't mind the 5 year old in his undies…it's hot here folks.

So there ya have it. This board cost me about $15 total, and I adore it.

Don't forget that I'm moving to BlogLovin. Join me there!

A Letter To Josiah

Dear JoJo,

The other day you came down the stairs, looking a little sheepish. You asked me where my "bathroom scrubber brush" was. I asked why you needed it, you fought with all you had to hold back tears when you muttered out "I did something naughty". This phrase is rare for you to say. You see, you are just a good boy. Like, you are the stuff mommies and daddies dream of.

You are obedient, compliant, mellow, handsome, compassionate, kind, and grace filled. You have a tender spirit that allows you to see beyond the "right now". You feel sad when your friends are hurt, you already know what worry feels like when Micah is in the hospital. You are just filled with compassion for others.

Back to the story. I asked you what you had done. You couldn't even get it out. Tears were spilling down your face. You were trying to fight it, but you couldn't. You just kept on crying. "Out with it Jo" I said. You finally were able to tell me that you had colored on the toilet seat. And while I did my best not to laugh, we headed upstairs to survey the damage. You had drawn one perfect line around the inside of the toilet seat with a bath crayon. We tried to get it off with vinegar, didn't work. You were devastated, eyes still filled with tears. We finally scrubbed it off with the big guns (bleach) and then you gave me a hug and said how sorry you were. Over and over you said it.

Then with you in my arms I grabbed you and looked you in the eye. "Josiah, you know what makes you so different than other kids your age? It's your heart. You are so young and you already know the difference between good and bad. Most kids don't have this yet. This is why you feel so bad right now. Jesus has given you a heart that knows what is right and then feels bad when something is bad. Jo, this is a true gift from Jesus. He gave you a heart that is so full of love. You are so good. You are such a good boy, and you feel terrible when you do bad. This is what makes you amazing. Lets remember to listen to Jesus when he tells us not to do something."

This is you. You are amazing at 5 years old. I can't even begin to imagine what things Jesus is going to put on your heart when you are a man. The truth is, you are quite and you will probably struggle to be bold. When you find that boldness, the world had better watch out! You will be changing lives. You will show the love of Jesus like not other man on this earth. You will have a heart so full of compassion that I can easily seeing you giving me a hug goodbye to go and serve the Lord in Ethiopia. "Goodbye Mom. I will send you photos of the those that I'm sharing the good news with."

That's you. And while you may be a bit sensitive now. One day….one day, you will change this world.
I am so proud to be your mommy. And I can not wait to see the man of God that you will become.

Smooches,
Mommy

Unrealistic Beauty & True Beauty

Have you heard of this gorgeous woman?

{image source}

Her name is Kylie Bisutti and in 2009 she won the Victoria Secret Angle search contest. 
Oddly enough that was the year I competed….*this is a total lie*
But anyway….she competed against 10,000 women and beat them out. And why wouldn't she win? She's stunning.

But that is not what's making headlines today. Kylie chose to leave the modeling industry for her Christian beliefs and has written a book on her decision to do so. 

Now, she is being highly criticized by the fashion industry on her tell-all book. 
Online magazines are even calling her a liar. www.nymag.com said this: 

Until now, Victoria's Secret has ignored Bisutti, who won their Model Search contest back in 2009 but hasn't worked for them since that year. They probably didn't want to fan the flames, as she's gotten much more attention for her supposed "quitting" than she ever did as an actual model.

Victoria's Secret stated that she was never an elite model for them. 
Nice Vicky…really nice. 

What just gets my blood boiling is the expectations that Kylie talks about the modeling industry, and the unrealistic expectations they put on women.

Kylie states that she was 5'10" and weighed 115 lbs. People…that's SKINNY. She had the measurements of 34 (bust)  24 (waist)  34 (hips). Her agent told her that she was a "fat cow" and needed to lose 2 inches off of her hips in order to book more jobs. Kylie went on a starvation diet dropped down to 108 lbs in order to fit the "beauty standards".

She talks about feeling conviction over the fact that she was "selling sex"…which {HELLO} it is Victoria's Secret after all. 

You guys…I have to be totally honest with you here. I'm sick over this. I'm sick over all of the women who are treating their bodies this way in order to be "beautiful" "elite" and "flawless". 
Even those who aren't competing in the modeling world. 
I hate looking at my perfect, beautiful daughter and thinking one day she will look in a mirror and begin to point out her "flaws". 
I hate seeing my gorgeous friends talk about their stretch marks, and love handles, and cellulite. 
God did not create us to criticize our bodies and our beauty. 
The devil wants that. He loves that. He loves that we are starving ourselves, or running ourselves ragged at the gym, or criticizing every inch of who we are. 

So what does God want us to know about our external beauty? 
IT. DOESN'T. MATTER.

He tells us that we are made in his image. And that it is wonderful. 

Psalms 139:14I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

But that is not who we are. 

Proverbs 31:30
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

1 Peter 3:3-4
Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.

The Bible clearly states that external beauty fades. That it truly is what is inside that matters. But being a woman in our society is so hard. We are so bombarded with images of "perfect" (and photoshopped) women. We are told to strive to be this way. Use this cream, eat this supplement, tone your body, dye your hair, whiten your teeth, darken your skin, remove the hair. It's impossible. 

It's tragic, and it breaks my heart. 

{ image source }

So dear women, listen to what the Lord says. 
You are beautiful. You were created for a purpose, a glorious purpose.
You were not created to live up to the world's unrealistic expectations of beauty.

Especially to those momma's who are hard on themselves after pregnancy…I just adore what Alyssa Milano said:

“Our bodies are not made to look good in a string bikini! Our bodies are made to nurture and cuddle and all of those amazing things that come along with being a mom.”

{image source}

You are beautiful. Truly beautiful.
And I'm proud of women like Kylie who can come out and speak against the false "realities" of beauty.
I'm proud that she is taking a stand for Christ and standing up to teach young women about true beauty.

Remember that GFC is going away. Follow my blog over on Bloglovin!