Parenting a Hurting Child

This is one of the most humbling posts I will write.

When we entered the adoption process we were nothing but optimistic and hopeful. We sat in classes on bonding with your new baby and told ourselves we would have no issues bonding with our new baby. After all, we could bond with any new baby! Turns out, we were right about that. We had zero issues when it came to loving Caleb the same way we loved our biological children. It felt exactly the same when we looked into his eyes. In fact, that is one of the greatest moments of my life. Seeing him, my new son, and feeling like I had just given birth to him. The gravity of that isn't lost on me. He was created to be MY son.

However, as time has progressed there is something we took for granted and didn't allow to enter our minds.

Abandonment.

We assumed that because we brought him home from the hospital he would never know the feeling of loss. He had us from the day one. I am his mother, and I would never leave him. How could he ever feel loss?

As a baby, Caleb was a dream.

The softest, sweetest big eyed boy. A perfect baby.
As we approached the "beloved" toddler phase we began to notice a twist.

Tantrums.

Now listen, he's my fourth baby. I've dealt with my fair share of toddler tantrums. But these were different. Like, intense. I don't want to go into graphic details about my child's bad behavior so I'm just going to leave it there. Something was different. Our first initial response was to parent him the exact same way as our others. After all, he's just another one of our babies. Only time was showing that our "go to" style of disciple wasn't cutting it. His tantrums grew as fast as he did. They were beginning to show signs of deep hurt in his heart. A hurt that he is still unable to express properly.

Caleb is extremely intelligent. He has been impressibly verbal since the moment he understood words. His vocabulary is quite extensive for his age. He's four now and is our smartest up to this point. This intelligence has given him a new tactic of hurt; his words. He is the first to say "I don't love you" to me and James. The first time he uttered those words they brought me to tears. The next 30(ish) times brought me to punish him.
He can't say that! Right?? Surely he doesn't mean it! I'm his mom!

We initially began with reading "The Strong Willed Child" .
Yep! That's Caleb to a tee! 
Ok, now that we know he's just strong willed we will never let him win an argument. We will stick to our guns! He will understand he can't behave this way! I will say this about me and James, we parent nearly identically. We are both stubborn and disciplinarians. When we ask you to do something your only response is "Yes sir!". No negotiations. Armed with this new tactic we went to work. But, it wasn't working. In fact, it was making it worse.

As I began to tell my sister (who has adopted 4 kids through the foster system) she would gently tell  me that he just might be broken hearted from the placement of his adoption. I denied these ideas for a solid year.
He's just like my others. He was never hungry, or left alone. He got immense love and affection. He's extremely bonded to our family!
Now, the latter of those thoughts is a really important point I make. He truly is extremely bonded to us. He loves his siblings, and is a complete and total daddy's boy. Like, he REALLY loves his daddy. He loves snuggles, and physical touch, and lots of one-on-one time. He craves attention, and often wanders into our bed in the middle of the night. He really does love us. We are his mom and dad.

Something is still different. Something we are now working to heal. As I began digging into this I learned that oxytocin (the bonding hormone) was pivotal to babies in utero. The lack of oxytocin during pregnancy can potentially cause a child to feel unloved during it's development. A hormone that many birthmothers may not produce during the pregnancy of a child they choose to place. This information began slowly creeping into our hearts and minds. Caleb is a textbook case of feeling abandoned. He naturally wants to try to see if we will leave him as well. He fights the same way an adult does when they have feelings of this nature.
I'll push you away before you can leave me!
The words he chooses to say to us just go to show he is dying to know we will never leave him.
Now that we know his precious heart is aching, we can begin to treat it.

My sister recommended a book called "The Connceted Child".  As James read it we began to realize this is what Caleb needs. He needs an extensive amount of attention and an extra dose (or 12) of patience. One of the best tactics we use to try to deescalate his tantrums (before they get bad) is bubbles. Go figure. These darn bubbles are doing the trick. We will sit in a corner and slowly blow these shiny bubbles. Showing Caleb some breathing tricks, and giving him a way to redirect his emotions.



Yesterday I failed him. I let his words get the better of me and we all ended in tears. I think for the first time I actually believed him. I actually let Satan whisper the lie that, possibly, Caleb doesn't love me. I allowed my emotions to be run by a four year old. We all reaped the consequences of this meltdown. The three other kids were all heartbroken as well. Leaving us all in a pile of tears. It was a scene. The truth is, it's impossible to be perfectly calm and even natured with him, and yesterday I let it get to me.

God has given us the greatest gift ever. Grace. Lots and lots of grace. I have never before understood the redemptive quality of God's goodness, until I gazed into his eyes for the first time.

Caleb is redemption. 
Caleb is the perfect picture of grace. 
Caleb is a gift. 
Caleb will move mountains.

As his parents we have the responsibility to allow him to feel his grief and pain, and to find the tools to overcome them. We have been given the Holy Spirit to guide us. When I stop and listen to the voice of God I am reminded that I am Caleb's greatest tool. That God chose me and James to be his biggest advocate. We are here and will always be here to hear his heart, to listen to his pain, and to remind him that we will never leave or abandon him. Remind him that God has a great purpose for his life.

Caleb is one the the best parts of my life.
I hope that this might encourage other's of you who are struggling with child who has a broken heart.
Remember that you are the best asset in their life.

By the grace of God, I get to hear him call me "Momma" every day.

Sacrifice in Motherhood

The other day I received an email from a woman I respect in our church. She invited me to join a small group of women for an intense and exclusive Bible study that only occurs every 2 years. Needless to say, I was so honored, humbled, and excited. The other morning there was a meeting at the church to discuss what the study would further look like. I wrangled the two youngest kids and walked into the church. Of course, I'm the only one who brought kids with them. Of course, Caleb is running around, talking, whining, coughing, and smelling like poop. I'm trying to gleam all I can amidst the chaos of the two babies. It sounds amazing. The study, the women, the work that God has done through this study all sounds fabulous, and exactly what I need. After the description was stated, the logistics made it very clear I would not be able to join this year; or even in years to come. They provide no childcare and they meet on a weekday morning. I could probably jerry rig childcare, but it would take a steady commitment from the sitter. I left the meeting so upset that I had to sacrifice this study in order to be a mom of young kids.

As of late, my heart has been heavy with feelings of selfishness. I am finding myself thinking of all that I have "sacrificed" to stay at home with my kids. I have not had the career I dreamed I would, I do not contribute financially as I had thought I might. I do have Mila Jo Designs, which I use as a creative outlet, but it is nothing what I had pictured in the form of a career.

I think the title of my blog perfectly sums it up, "Life Unexpected". Life has not been what I had expected. I dreamed of many things, including children, but never expected to be a day after my 23rd birthday; and then have 3 more within 6 years. I expected to be a wife and a mother, but I also thought I might be "more". 

There are many things I don't get to enjoy now, or ever will. The future will just be filled with even more sacrifice as we have made the decision to homeschool our kids next year.

As I sat in my car wallowing, I realized the decision to homeschool would be filled with a lifetime of even more sacrifice from me. I will literally be getting another job, on top of the one I already possessed as a stay at home mom. I will be their educator as well. I can't tell you how excited I am, and honored to be able to do so! But it was that moment for me where I felt an overwhelming sense of loss of "me" and a completely new sense of who "I" am. I know my gifts, talents, likes and dislikes. I am fully aware of the woman God created me to be and I am fully aware that he has created me to be their mother, to the fullest.

I have the blessing to sweep up dirty floors, and tables. I get to be their tooth fairy, Santa Clause, kisser of the owies, and baker of cookies  I get to listen to them laugh, and argue. I have the honor to teach them to see the world through God's design. They call me mommy, and that is worth every ounce of "sacrifice". There was no "thing" I was created to do than to be their nurturing, loving, educating mommy. At the end of the day, I can tuck them into bed and know that they will notice I am there, always, for them; for that was who I am when I am at my fullest.

It was a bad day.

Yesterday sucked.

Nothing good seemed to happen. Bad attitudes were widespread (on both the adult and adolescent sides).

Josiah threw a shoe across the room. Micah told me I scared him (by yelling). Ella threw temper tantrums. Caleb is going through separation anxiety.

Today was a horrible, no good, very bad day. But we lived through it.

I have many, many days when I feel lees than adequate for my kids. I don't think I am as fun as I could be. I don't set up forts, or crafts, or lego cities. I don't read as much as I should to them. I don't welcome  them home with yummy treats and homemade goodies. I don't spend the time working with them on spelling words like I should. I don't remember dentist appointments and when library books are due. I'm not good at that. Sometimes (way too often) I yell at them. I scream for them to hurry and put their shoes on. I tell them we will be late because they chose to not eat their eggs for breakfast, or put on their socks soon enough. I send them to school without a lunch and tell them to buy hot lunch. I will let them watch the Avengers in lieu of reading them book…because I need to "zone out". I don't do laundry soon enough and they run out of underwear. I'm not awesome…I'm not even mediocre.

I fail. Every…single…day. I let them down. They rely on me, and I fail them. But…..they still love me. With each tantrum I feel like I am the root of the problem. I hear them shouting at one another, and know they are mimicking the behaviors they have witnessed in me. I take every behavioral problem as a sign of my poor mothering. I can tend to be a really harsh critic to myself.

Amidst this terrible, horrible, very bad day I had moments with Josiah that were quite special. I sat with him on the stairs and told him that even though his behavior was unacceptable; "I'm still sitting here on the stairs with you, hugging you; telling you how I will always love you. No matter what, I will always be your mom." I get to see moments in their lives when they are filled with kindness, compassion, generosity, and love. I know that they also get these traits from James and me. Along with the bad qualities comes good qualities. I hear them thank their teachers after school, or offer their friends their favorite toys to play with. They are sweet (well, they can be).

Trying to navigate through parenting is the most difficult thing I have ever done. It is exhausting, draining, emotional, and stressful. But more than anything being a mom has developed me into somebody I never thought possible. I become more selfless, caring, compassionate, and loving each day. Each day is filled with something new that will define who I become. With each tantrum I am given the opportunity to choose to make that moment a learning moment, or I can allow it to pass by without investing into them. I have the privilege to help my children become the men and women that God has in store. I can invest into their lives and help them realize their full potential. I get to guide them and teach them how to have a full life and allow Christ to live through them. This is the biggest honor that exists on this planet. I get to be their mother.

So even though yesterday felt like a really bad day to be a parent; today is new and I am allowed a whole new chance. I'm grateful for new mornings, and grace. After all, we're all just trying to figure it out together. One day at a time….

Dear Josiah

Dear Josiah,

You started first grade this year. You didn't see me, but I cried when I walked home. I truly miss having you home with me. You are so helpful. You always ask what you can do to help me. I rarely have to remind you to clear your dishes, or make your bed. You will take care of Caleb when I'm making dinner, or doing the dishes. You rush to help when one of your siblings needs help. You are so thoughtful and are always putting others above yourself. You are full of compassion and empathy. The other day, after a long day at school you came home and I was finishing cleaning the playroom (which was a disaster). You offered to help me, insisted you wanted to. I told you not to help me after a long day at school, that you should rest; you persisted. While we were cleaning together I thanked you for your help and told you how grateful I was. You asked me what I did that day and I told you I had been working on the house. You asked me if I did anything for myself (of course you did) and I told him nothing too fun. You burst into tears. You were filled with so much empathy for me. I hugged you and told you that I loved being able to stay at home and work to take care of my family. That working around the house didn't make me sad, it made me feel so lucky. To be a mom is the best job ever.

You are my son. I get to call you mine. You are perfectly, unique and you are my flesh and blood.

You are so tuned into how others feel and what they are thinking. You are full of compassion, empathy, and sensitivity. You feel for others, you want to heal, and fix; and I believe you will. You want to be a pastor. You want the entire world to know about Jesus. You are learning what your 7 year old brain can handle about our Creator. You sit on the couch and talk to daddy about apologetics (it's so crazy, but it's true!). You ask questions like "If God is so powerful why can't he make a rock so big even he can't carry?" and "How can Jesus be God's son if they are one in the same?". Seriously, boy!? You love Jesus, and you told daddy "I need to learn as much about God as I can if I want to be a pastor." I can't believe that I get to be your mom. I feel like with your deep desire to learn more about God, there is a chance that I will let you down. What if I don't know how to lead you in your faith? I could drop the ball…..but praise God for your daddy! He is so knowledgeable and has the same desire as you to learn more about our faith. You two…peas in a pod!

There are things that I worry about for you. I worry about you being in first grade. You are beginning to read, make new friends, and experience new things. You are hearing things that are opposite of God's nature, and they scare you. Kids are telling you scary stories, and they affect your heart and your soul. You are so in tune with the spiritual realm that when things that are evil are exposed to you, you feel it in your heart. I cover you in prayer. I pray that you will speak up for yourself, and begin to share the truth with your classmates. Many of them have never heard about God, and you are the light. You are so smart about our God, but need the courage to speak up. You will get there, with the knowledge that you are building with us at home you will grow in confidence. Son, you will change this world. You are fire of the Lord. At 7 years old you are living up to your life verse:

But you, man of God, flee from all this and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance, and gentleness. 1 Timothy 6:11

I am so proud of you. Words cannot possibly express how proud of you I am. I get to say I am your mom. There will never be a day in my life when I am not filled with great joy, pride, and love when I think of you. If I only get to be with you full time for 11 more years, I promise to do my best to savor each moment with you. Boy, you're amazing!

Love,

Mommy

9 Reasons To Break Up With Your Smartphone

I don't have a smartphone. I'll give you a moment to gasp. I don't want a smartphone….**gasp**…. and I have no intuitions of getting one any time soon. James and I don't want to join the smartphone revolution. We know that it is inevitable. We know that one day there will not be an option, they will all be smartphones. But as of now, I don't want one….not one bit. I find it so freeing to not be tied to my cell phone. If you need some reasons to break up with your phone here's 9 reasons to say goodbye to "smart" and hello to freedom!

I can actually watch my kids play at the park.
I know so many moms who talk about wanting to be able to stay away from their phones so they can spend more time with their kids. It's not a temptation for me. I don't have an easy out. I don't have a way to make an easy escape away from them. I have the privilege to watch them, snuggle with them without being on my phone. It's such a relief to not be tied to my phone, and to be tied to my kids instead.
I love this website about more intentional parenting (yes, I understand the irony in reading a website about taking time off the internet to be with your kids more).

I save $150 a month. People that's $1800 a year!
James and I are actually still on our parents plan. We pay $10 a month each for our phone lines. We're good with that, they are good with that. That means we pay $240 a year on our phones, that's quite difference then $1800. That amount doesn't even include the price of phones, cases, Apps, and accessories. It's crazy what you can pay for a phone. You could use that money saved to go on a family vacation!

I don't feel the need to check my phone in the car.
Everybody knows the danger there. I have nothing to look at, so I don't feel the need to check it while I'm driving. It's true, that I don't have a GPS on  my old-school phone but I'm lucky enough to have one that I can plug into my car. It works and I get where I need to be without checking my phone.

My kids don't want to play with my phone.
They know my phone is lame, so they don't want to play with it. That means they aren't going to buy some random Apps or drop it in their bowl of cereal. They don't ask me all day if they can hold it, or look at it. I'm good with that!

On date nights we actually look at each other.

It is so sad to me when I see so many couples at a restaurant sitting in silence, heads titled down, fumbling on their phones. Tell me, what can possibly be more interesting than a human being in front of you. I get one chance on this planet to get to know people, more importantly my husband. I don't want to waste one second of our relationship acting more interested in a phone than him.

I don't freak out when I can't find my phone. 
I'll admit that this one drives James crazy. Because I'm not attached to my phone sometimes I can't find it. But it's OK to go without your phone. I'm not suffocating over the fact that I can't find it. I don't get stressed out when I drop it either. It's cheap, and it's cheap to replace it if anything does happen to it. Don't we all need one less thing to worry about? There is an actual named disorder for this; Nomophobia: the fear of losing your phone. People….seriously?!

I don't look at my phone 10,000 times a day. 
Because I don't have a fancy one, I don't even really know what's so cool about them. I'm not an idiot, I know there are hundreds of awesome things you can do with. "There's an app for that." Yes, I know about the Disney Line Time Check app (you can check current times at Disney parks). That's cool. I get it. But why do I need to check my FB account 40 times a day? I don't. I can check it on my computer at home, when I get there. I'm not so important as to need to answer emails all day. Plus, my neck doesn't hurt from being hunched over my phone all day.

I communicate with people by speaking AND looking at them.
I was sitting with a friend on my couch while our kids played in my home. I was beginning to get so frustrated as I was trying to talk to her and she was just constantly looking at her phone saying; "So sorry! I just HAVE to answer this email real quick!" or "Oh, I just HAVE to show you this pin on Pinterest!".  I have nothing on my phone that's more interesting than humans. My text message inbox fills up so fast that I don't even like to text, I'd rather just call them and speak with them

I am not bound by social media.
This is one area that is really beginning to frighten me. Social media is changing the way the world communicates, and it's scary! Cyber bullying is out of control, and there is no way to stop it. People hide behind the internet to say cruel, disgusting, and despicable things. You can comment on anything with no repercussion. You can upload and watch any video that pleases you. Terrorist groups use Twitter and YouTube to recruit mass murderers members. I am beginning to deeply loathe social media. Loathe! Yes, good things can come these outlets, but I believe much more evil is coming from it than good. I love my Facebook account as much as the next person, but I know that day will come when I will have to leave it behind. When that day comes, I will not cry over it. If you want to know about my life you can call me.

I know that there are many, many benefits that come from these phones. I know that you can do so many really cool things with them, helpful, useful things. But is saddens me to think of all the things that may be wasted because of the "cool" things the phones do. If you can't totally ditch the smartphone, maybe you can just set it aside for a while. I promise you will live without it. I do! Lets take back our families, and our future! Kiss it goodbye!

Dear Ella

Dear Ella,

We just celebrated your third birthday. It is cliche when I say it, but it truly feels like last week that we brought you home from the hospital. I cannot fathom how quickly these past few years have gone by. It brings a tear to my eye thinking I only have fifteen more of these with you, I want to savor every moment I have with you.

There is something about you, girl. You brighten our home in such a special way. Each moment you walk down the stairs with your crazy hair, and that pink blankie you light up the room. You wake up with a smile on your face, begging for snuggles. How can we resist you?

You are sweet, dainty, and girly; everything I have ever hoped my daughter would be. You are also stubborn, so very strong willed. You will fight for what you want for such a long time (which can really wear a momma out). I know that God gave you a fighter's spirit. You do not like to be alone, you love to be surrounded by people. You set up tea parties and insist the boys use their manners while you serve them. You check for fairies in the fairy garden, play with your princesses, babies, and books. You sing, and dance and give us a show. You giggle and squirm when we tickle you. You also tackle and wrestle your brothers and dribble a basketball.

You are deathly afraid of worms, turtles, and the chick-fil-a cow (which is adorable). You are so incredibly sassy when not getting your way. You and Micah have such a unique relationship. He adores you and you, him. You two can fight like cats and dogs, then work it out within seconds. Josiah will usually give you whatever you ask of him, I do believe he's a bit smitten as well.

What I most love about you is how you have such a nurturing spirit. You have mothered Caleb nearly as much as I have. You feed him, coddle him and watch his every move. When he cries you rush to him trying to soothe him. You find him copious amounts of toys to keep him entertained. The same way you love him, he loves you too. You rush to his side as he whimpers and the moment he sees you he smiles. He watches you all day, and will nearly break his neck to follow your every move. You are an amazing sister.

You have such a kind and gentle spirit. I am so amazed at how God gave you such a spirit of gentleness. You are so enchanting. We have been so blessed to have you in our family. We pray that your bright spirit continues to light up the rest of the world. We love you, adore you and cannot wait to see what God has in store for you. Girl, you are something special. Thanks be to God for letting me be your mommy!

Love,
Your Mommy

I Miss My Son's Mother

I miss my son's mother.

It has been a really rough few months with Caleb's birthparents. Our experience at the hospital was something that completely changed me and James. We saw total sacrifice, true sorrow, and hope. We wept with them and promised to take care of their son. We left the hospital thinking that we would have a really open adoption with them. Phone calls, pictures, and visits were all on the agenda; my agenda.

We didn't hear from his birthparents for the first 3 weeks of Caleb's life. I was really surprised and confused, but I knew that she needed space and time to heal. When we finally did her from her she told me she went through a period of depression and apologized for not calling sooner. I reassured her that she needed not apologize to us for anything. We spoke briefly about how he was doing and how they were doing.

I think I should mention that his birthparents are homeless. Bouncing from hotel to hotel, just trying to survive. They are so intelligent and yet so conflicted. They struggle to maintain a stable lifestyle. They are sweet, compassionate, smart, and kind…they just struggle.

As the weeks went on phone calls were incredibly sparse. A quick call here, and text there…nothing ever too deep. They were trying to make it from day to day, just keep it together. My case worker calls it living "crisis to crisis". They only called when in "crisis mode". My heart was incredibly heavy after each phone call. I was constantly worried about them; their safely, security, and happiness.

Then, the calls began to become more and more frequent; crisis to crisis. They were really starting to panic. They were running out of money and connections in Colorado and becoming desperate for a way out. They needed to go back to Florida. The phone call I received telling me they were leaving Colorado and heading to Florida was extremely heartbreaking. I hung the phone up and began to weep.

They have been in Florida for over a month now and I have only spoken to her once. Yesterday was Mother's Day and I thought about her all day. I prayed for her, that she was happy and that she felt loved. I called her and sent her a photo of the gorgeous son she created. I wanted her to know that yesterday wasn't just for me, but it was for her too. She loved Caleb before I did. She was his mother first. She is kind, gentle, caring, loving and generous and I miss her.

I long for her to know about every first Caleb has; for her to hear his sweet giggle. That is what I want, but I know that she needs time and space to heal. I know that she loves Caleb and wants to hear about everything, but her heart can't handle it. I cannot even begin to imagine how difficult yesterday may have been for her, but her decision did not go unnoticed. Our lives are better with Caleb in it. Yesterday was one of the best Mother's Days I've had yet. I can thank her for that.

WIW: A New Cut

I recently chopped 12 inches of my hair. (YIKES)
Unfortunately I couldn't donate it….they say if you have highlights they cannot accept it…boo!

{Before}

I usually cut my hair once a year (yes, I'm that cheap) and I usually don't cut it quite as short as I did this time. James loves my hair short, he may be the only man who begs his wife to chop off her long locks. I finally decided to go for it and went with an a-line.

I think I like it, it's hard for me to style just right when it is totally straight so I've been throwing a few curls in there to give it a messy, beachy look.

Along with the new hair I've been wearing a baby lately.

He's usually pretty content, but he must be goring through a growth spurt and he's eating all. the. time. Yesterday it was every 1.5 hours (and yes, we've introduced rice cereal and he's still eating like a newborn!)

Well, he's getting held a lot more…but it could have to do with his fantastic chubs. I just love me a fat baby!
I'm extremely grateful for my moby wrap…I never used one with my other kids, but bring it on with baby number 4!

Happy Wednesday….time to attend to the children!

4 Months

Sweet Caleb…

This boy is crazy good looking! 

And happy as can be. 

4 month stats
:Probably nearing 14-15 lbs (I should take him in for his check up!)
:Smiling all the time
:Rolling from tummy to back
:Laughing (it's adorable…eek!)
:Clasping and Chewing on Hands
:Eating 5 oz every 3 hours and getting super fat
:Noticing his hands and toys
:Sleeping through the night
:Takes horrible naps 20-40 min 3 times a day

He is loving his siblings (especially Josiah), and wiggles whenever he finds them.




When I took this photo I had no idea how tired I look…all…the…time. At least he looks tired too. Naps anyone?

One of the best things about this baby is how much he loves me. I wrote earlier about attachment and adoption and this smile leaves no doubt on how feels about me.
He is such a mommy's boy, maybe more so than any of my other babies. I was so worried that not nursing him would hinder our relationship, but that is not even close to the truth.
I love the following photo because my feet are in it. This is how he looks each time I walk near him.

I also love how often I hear how much he looks just like me. Our complexion, eye color and lips do seem to be so similar. It's so amazing how well he fits with us. He was created to be in our family. So blessed…so, so blessed.

Staying Organized with 4 Kids

I joke with James that with each child born I get a little more OCD. Let me just say that OCD is a really relative term for me…I don't actually have OCD, I just really crave order in this chaos!

It has been my goal to keep my kitchen looking like this. I find that if I have a clean kitchen and that my bed is made…I'm a way happier momma! I have to admit…for the past few months I have been "mostly" successful at this.

I have been working really hard at maintaing the chaos that comes along with 4 kids. Here's a few things I've learned that have really helped me stay on top of it.

1: De-clutter.

A little while ago I began my Project 365 journey to really de-clutter my home. I have had huge success in getting the unnecessary items out of here! It has cleared up so much space and really enabled me to be able to focus on organizing the things that I have kept. I have had VVA come and pick up my junk at least 6 times. It's crazy!

2: Bins, bins and more bins. Everything has a place.

I am totally and completely obsessed with these bins from Wal-Mart. They are $4 each (you can't find canvas bins for cheaper than that. I use them in my pantry, laundry room, coat closet, playroom, bathrooms, and the boys room. Seriously…they are everywhere. I really love them in the pantry. I can hide all of those odd shaped bags and containers. It just pulls things together so nicely.

I also have about 200 of these mini storage bins. They fit perfectly inside of drawers and I have them in literally every single drawer in this home.

I just added a couple of new items to inside my cabinets that I love. These things are amazing at saving space and keeping everything in it's place!

2. AM & PM Power Clean

I have never been that great at cleaning throughout the day. I have always had a tendency to just let things pile up until I can't stand it anymore, and I'm stuck cleaning after dinner when I'm exhausted. So I now have 15 minute "power clean" times each day. In the morning I make my bed (this is a really big improvement woo woo!), wipe down bathroom counters, put clothes where they belong, clean up the morning dishes, wipe down counters, and unload the dishwasher. It really doesn't seem to take longer than 15-20 minutes to get these things done. It was just all about taking a solid block of time twice a day to do this! The evenings look a little bit different from the morning power clean because I enlist the kids to help.

3. Child Labor

I have been making the kids be much more diligent in sharing the burden of cleaning. They are finally getting old enough to take on more responsibility and it makes me one, happy, momma! Every day they have a few chores that they must get done; both in the morning and evening. In the morning they get dressed, brush their teeth, clean out the sink, make their beds, clear their dishes and put any toys upstairs that belong there. Throughout the day I may often have Josiah vacuum or Micah dust but we all know that doesn't happen every day. Then in the evenings we have a family time "power clean". We take 15 minutes to just clean everything they can within 15 min. This helps while I'm finishing up the dishes and sweeping the kitchen floor…and does wonders fir the playroom.
One of the best tips I have ever heard is do not fix their mistakes when it comes to cleaning. I will not go back over their rooms and re-make their beds, or vacuum where they miss, or clean out the sink when they missed a spot of blue toothpaste (why is it always blue). I have seen such a huge improvement in their skills, they learn to correct their mistakes. Josiah's bed making skills have improved so much without me even talking to him about it! Granted, if they have done a "half-job" (as my mom used to call it…and I totally HATED it…!) I will point it out to them and ask them to do their best.

4: Touch it Once

I had a friend once tell me this was how she kept her house so neat. You take your shoes off…just put them away. You are done with your snack, just put it away, you take off your sweater…hang it up. Revolutionary!  Touch it only once and you won't have to worry about it later. I love this…it is really great advice and has helped me think that way! I have really implemented that into our car too. I call it "pack it in, pack it out". If you bring it into the car it is your job to bring it out. Hey…my car is completely clutter free now. It's amazing!

5: Make a conscious effort each day

I have really found that making a conscious effort to be actively organized has really made things much easier. I do it every day, without fail. I spend maybe an hour of my day cleaning or organizing and it relives so much stress from our family.

Now if there was only a laundry fairy…..because this is getting out of hand!

This is what my living room looks like one evening a week…I HATE laundry…seriously…hate it. Like…I'd rather scrub a toilet instead of folding and putting away laundry. At least I'm doing their laundry….you are welcome, children.

But at the end of the day, this is still my "loose interpretation to clean". To each his own, right?