Thursday, October 25, 2012

I'm Working On It

I am so tired.
I am still waking up with Micah every 4 hours to medicate him after his surgery.
I wake up several other times throughout the night while miss Ella cuts her canine teeth and Micah cries out in pain.

I have a cold and can't breath at night.

I have a 5 year old who thinks I boring, and only wants his friends.

You know how this feels.


What are you like when your tired? Do you take it out on somebody?
Generally, my sweet husband gets the brunt of my frustration; and then it trickles down to my children.

I'm working on it.

This has become my life motto. I should probably paint it on my walls.

I feel terrible after lashing out at these people I love the most in my life.

Lets take a look at Josiah, shall we?

Like I mentioned earlier, he is so bored with me.
He loves to learn from me, he loves to play with me, and he loves to laugh with me. But he often forgets he's not the only child in our home. No, I still have two other rascals running around trying to steal my attention.
I am still so glad about our decision to keep him home with me one extra year before sending him to Kindergarten. I think he's happy too.
But he has been feeling like he is playing 2nd or 3rd right now to his siblings.
I confess, he kind of is.
Micah is still recovering from his surgery and still needs a lot of extra attention, and popsicles.
Josiah is only 5 and doesn't grasp the concept of "special treatment". He is hurt that I will give Micah 8 popsicles a day, while he may only get 1 or 2.
He doesn't understand why I will make him help clean the playroom with me, while Micah watches his 100th cartoon.
He doesn't understand why I can't "make a craft" (he's really into crafts these days) because Micah is hurting and needs some cuddle time.
So, he lashes out at me.
He throws fits, and argues, and stomps, and screams, and yells.
My poor, sweet boy. He needs his Mommy just as much as Micah does, and I've been neglecting him.

This face of sweetness and innocence is getting the brunt of my frustration.

I have been unbelievably patient with Micah during his outbursts. I haven't yelled at him or even shown him any sort of consequence for his behavior.

Josiah gets it all.

I know that this makes me look terrible. And that is exactly how I feel.
Today I confess; I'm working on it.

Today I will craft with him until he's sick of paint and popsicle sticks.
Today I will cuddle with him during quiet time.
I will read him stories until he asks to stop.
I will wrestle with him until my ribs hurt he is tired.
And I will answer all of his 5,000 questions.
I will even play in the snow with him today (yep….snow).

This is just so hard to do with 3 kids under the same roof. Generally it's so easy to please both of the boys at the same time, and Ella is content watching.
But because Micah has been feeling puny, I can only please one of them, and he's crying the loudest.

Which reminds me of this saying.

My poor kids.
This is my life their life.

Let's just say…..

I'm working on it.


Sarah said...

Awww, my heart just goes out to you. I don't have kids that are teething or one recovering from surgery, but I am having a rough week. It is really hard to give all one's energy to the kids and hubby and then have no energy left for yourself after everyone else is taken care of!

I hope today goes more smoothly and that you are able to get more sleep!!


Erin said...

I can relate with this on so many levels. Praying for your cup to be filled to overflowing and copious amounts of God's love, mercy, and grace to be poured into you and your children (and husband). Your children are very blessed to have you as their mom!

Shannah @ Just Us Four said...

Wow, it sounds like you have a lot on your plate. In a small way, I can relate. I have a 5 year old daughter and a 2 year old son. The 2 year old suffers from a seizure disorder so he tends to get a lot of "special" attention which leaves my daughter feeling a little left out from time to time. It is tough being the parent in the situation because you are only one person. Just know that your kids appreciate everything you do even if they don't know the best way to show it at such a young age.

Rachel said...

:-( Love you beth, and you're a great mom! Jo loves you more than you know too. He won't remember this time when he's older, it's the long picture that counts. He'll remember his mom who would bend over backwards for his needs, and even some of his wants.

Janette Johanson said...

Gosh I felt like I just read my daily struggle with not yelling at one of my lil kiddo's.. such a struggle to be a mom and always be happy b/c its not easy! I saw my sons face this morning after telling him to merely get dressed and quit jackin' around and he looked so sad and I felt awful. I am sure they will understand some day but anyway, I'm a new follower, mom of 3, 5yrs old and younger and totally relate with ya! Nice to meet you and sorry your lil' people aren't feelin' great.

Lesley @ Everyday Moments said...

Hang in there mama! I've been sick for weeks and feel I'm neglecting both of mine. Little ones are so forgiving though. Hope you were able to have a fun day with him!

Nicholl Vincent said...

i hope your week gets better doll!

Have a wonderful evening! Drop by & say hi!

hippie_mom said...

I can relate with 3 young ones as well. Our oldest is now 7 and I think it has gotten less over-whelming (at times). We have 2 with auto-immune disorders so I feel like the other one often gets left out. I have been trying to do more one on one mommy & (fill in the blank) dates with my boys to give them quality time!

~Thanks for joining us for Feed Me Friday~ Natalie @ Great Contradictions

Bekah said...

It's not just your struggle. All of us (moms) fail our children repeatedly. All we can do is apologize and try again. It sucks, but it is a season, you are going to get through it, and at the end of the day, your love your babies.

Holly said...

Aww, I hope next week gets better! :)
I have to say though, I totally laughed at that ecard! :P
Dropping by from the blog hop. :)

My Froley said...

Ayyy poor you. Poor them. I only have one child and I find it a struggle to give her enough attention, I don't know how on earth you manage to do it with 3. Well, I hope better days are to come. We're always working on it. It's all we can do, work on it, grow, learn and improve. No one is perfect and no one has the answers to everything. Don't beat yourself up. Tomorrow is a new day :-)